In Defense of Joey Ryan's... Member
- Aug 8, 2017
- 2 min read
ATTENTION EVERYONE!
Joey Ryan is not killing the wrestling business.
I mean, good God, have you SEEN what this business has survived? Considering the scandalous nature of professional wrestling, I’m surprised it’s lasted THIS long.
To those that are complaining that Joey Ryan flipping over seven guys with his strong phallus, including a WWE Hall of Famer, is doing more harm than the wrestling business than good, here’s a 75-second crash course on what the wrestling business has survived:
Promoter Billy Wolfe was a known womanizer and cheated on all three of his wives. He basically killed the career of Mildred Burke and left her dead broke and virtually without work in the wake of their divorce.
And yet, he’s practically a saint compared to the Fabulous Moolah, who was a known pimp for her trainees, basically pawning them off to lecherous promoters and other wrestlers. She practically killed women’s mainstream wrestling in the United States, and even though it’s slowly recovering, it’s still got a long way to go.
Sid Vicious stabbed Arn Anderson with a pair of scissors. 20 times.
Ring of Honor founder Rob Feinstein tried to solicit sex with an underage boy.
The Sandman crucifixion.
Pat Patterson sex scandal.
Mel Phillips sex scandal.
Terry Garvin sex scandal.
The Plane Ride from Hell.
The Mass Transit incident.
The Montreal Screwjob.
Damn near all of the WWF was on steroids in the late 1980s and Vince McMahon nearly went to jail over it.
TNA sent a high Jeff Hardy to work the main event of a PPV. Twice.
The death of Owen Hart.
The double murder-suicide of Chris Benoit.
Four of the five wrestling Von Erich boys killed themselves.
The murder of Bruiser Brody and the subsequent coverup.
Jimmy Snuka’s a goddamn murderer, probably.
Hulk Hogan’s a racist, definitely. Or picked a very bad time to have a racist moment.
Jerry Lawler allegedly raped a 13-year old girl.
Stone Cold Steve Austin allegedly beat his then wife.
Goldust allegedly beat his then wife.
The British Bulldog allegedly beat his then wife.
Jeff Jarrett stole Kurt Angle’s wife.
Triple H leaving Chyna for Stephanie McMahon.
Vince McMahon told a state senate that wrestling was not real just to save a few bucks.
If I had an hour or two, I would keep right on going. Basically, what I’m saying is this: maybe despite itself, pro wrestling is if nothing else incredibly resilient. It’s survived more bullshit than most presidential administrations, though the current one is making a serious challenge.
So if Joey Ryan’s absurdly strong penis offends you, then I suggest you focus on something else. Because in this vast world where information is literally available at the push of a button, there’s something out there that won’t offend your sensibilities. If I’m being honest, if Joey Ryan’s penis is killing the business, then quite frankly the wrestling business didn’t deserve to live in the first place.
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